hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
