forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
