smell my finger.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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