i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Randomize