he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
