Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
50% drunk capacity currently
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
