'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
