I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Best friends brother. Beat that.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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