its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
