I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
