Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
