You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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