you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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