Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
