this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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