Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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