a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
