Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Randomize
