I hate your face
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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