mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
