He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
