so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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