so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
