watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
