I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
