she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
