Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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