At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
