She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
