i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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