She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
