Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
