yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
