Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
True strength comes from lack of pants
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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