okay pat passed out under dana's car
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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