I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
