My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
