i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
