none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
