Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Drunk is not a location!
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Never joke about your clitoris.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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