I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Randomize
