We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
