he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
