So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
