Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize