I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
