i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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