Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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