imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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