I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize