I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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