And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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