There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
