It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
