sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
