operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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