Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
