Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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