Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
