Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
