i'm signing you up for texting rehab
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
