nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
