sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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