im so drunk with asians
where?
always
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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