so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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