I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
