Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize