This girl is more easily done than said...
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
