Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
