Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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