He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize