she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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