Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
