So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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