Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Randomize
