So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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