If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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