Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
