This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
