do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize