So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
