woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
