I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
