Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
