apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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