When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize