There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
