My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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